Don’t Control Your Partner – Counselor Adofoli


Some people forget how they first approached you, how they nicely spoke to you which led you to falling in love with them; they forget how they chased you and impressed you just to be in a relationship with them.

They hide behind the relationship status and try to control you. Well, if you are a partner who is still in the business of controlling your better half or better half to be, then this message addresses you. If you are also victim of such behaviour, then there is something to learn too.

There are some things you cannot control, and one is a human being. They are not objects and if for nothing at all, they have a sense which is common to all. Relating to human beings is what relationship is all about.

Some people treat human beings like objects; they just want to have power over you, order you around, dictate and control you.

It gets worse when you are in a relationship with such people and issues of insecurity pop up; some mistaken jealousy for love, they hide under the umbrella of ‘I love you’ and hurt their partners in the name of jealousy. Instead of loving our partners we end up using them; forcing them to do things to please us against their happiness.


In case you find yourself doing this, just remember that your partner doesn’t belong to you; he or she belongs to God. They are owned by God and not you. They answer to no one except God. If they agree to be in a relationship with you, please respect them, if they agree to share their lives and heart with you, don’t abuse it; if they give you their time, it’s just a privilege but not an obligation or right.

Create the environment for your partner to become what you want rather than forcing them to be; love them, relate to them in a language they understand and not the language you want to speak. If their language is kindness or patience, then speak in such manner to them. The truth is, it’s hard speaking your partner’s language especially if you are not used to it; but the beauty of that is, they understand you, can relate to you better and will do what you want them to do.

When the love for your partner is real, it finds ways and means to speak the languages their heart best understands, for love is between two hearts and not a pretty lady and a handsome guy.

It doesn’t matter who is chasing your partner or wanting to take them away from you; controlling them is like pushing them into the hands of those pursuing them. Your duty is to take good care of your partner, relate to them well and they will take care of the chaser. Your partner is your business, the third party is not yours but theirs. Just treat your partner right and they will treat the third party right, just in the way you want.

It’s not caging a bird that will stop it from flying away, but having a good relationship with it will bring it back home even if you leave it to fly away.

In conclusion “It’s selfish and stupid to think only of yourself and to sneer at people who have sense” – Proverbs 18:1 (CEV).

Writer: Counselor Adofoli

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